"you have nothing to feel bad for"

I wish that was true. In reality, I have everything to feel bad about. I fucked my life up. And I don't know how to fix it now. I can't eat without feeling like a failure. I know my family knows somethings up, but really what can they do, no one can force me to do anything. But it hurts me that I hurt them, cause they're the last ones I want to hurt.

I can't even make a relationship work with a great guy. I can't make myself like him. He says he feels like he could fall in love with me, and I can't feel the same. I wonder if I wasn't such a freak if I would like him. I really don't know to be honest. The attraction just isn't there. And as much as personality matters, and his is great. You still need to have an attraction. But talking to someone else means losing him. He said when and if I meet someone else, then he's out of my life permanently. Like really, my whole self worth is already entirely fucked up, now your gonna make me choose between a potential future and someone I've come to think of as a best friend, someone I depend on?! I feel like crying everytime I think about it.

Hell I feel like crying everytime I think about my life and what it's become.