I feel so unsure about my life right now. My dad told me how proud he is of me and that in this crazy house I'm his rock...I wanted to say how can I be your rock when I don't have anything in my life in order. Anyways, it makes me feel so bad, because of what I do to myself. But I can't stop now.
Today for dinner I had one small piece of marinated chicken, skipped the Mac and cheese. And some ice cream. I'm hungry though. Im gonna see if there's any kiwi in the fridge. Can't have cereal because there's no milk, not that I want the whole milk anyways. Spent my last $9 on gas to get to the office today, I get paid tomorrow but it's only $100, and I'm trying to save not spend.
I'm seeing my army guy on Sunday. I'm so beyond nervous, I'm not looking anything like I wanted to. I can't seem to get a flat lower stomach no matter what i do. I need to start walking with my mom again. I need to do something. I have to lie to my parents about where I'll be to see him, it's supposed to rain, and I have no clue what to do with him. I feel like it's gonna be a disaster and I'm stressing so much that somethings gonna go wrong.
So yea, I started looking at jobs and apartments in Virginia Beach won't be going this year or even next...but maybe in the next two years, I'll be able to make the move. I can start planning now, putting money aside for when I'm looking for a job...I need a change. I need to run away from myself.
Oh I have money issues as well!! I end up having to survive on around $15 for a week straight - I am right now. I don't get paid until Friday! D:
ReplyDeleteGood luck on Sunday!!! It will probably end up going really well, and you'll feel silly for worrying so much!
:D <3
At the end of the day, you must be doing pretty well controlling your emotions to be labelled as someone's rock. Cherish it. I miss my daddy.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that everything will go swimmingly with this guy if you just don't worry about anything :). The best plans are the ones that you don't plan for!
I know exactly what you mean about needing to get away. You'll get to where you want to be someday <3