Well...I officially ended whatever it is I had with him. Still talking, but he knows I have no romantic feelings. I feel like such a failure at life. I can't do anything right. I can't like this great guy whose everything I need and want. No I have to be half in love with the asshole who always breaks my heart. Honestly I don't even known how I'm passing this program I'm in, but I guess I'm retaining it and just not realizing it.
I have my restrictions carefully planned. Sugarfree carnation drinks for breakfast and lunch, I get a break at school so I'm thinking of sugarfree jello cups. As for dinner, I'm stumped. Weekends I can just fast, my dad won't be here...but durning the week he notices. I'm thinking maybe just really bland, or extremely small portions. I'm staying the hell away from the "candy bowl" at school. I hate that thing. But my willpower is stronger. I CAN stay away. I want to go into ketosis, thats my goal for right now. So hopefully all this stress, and calorie cutting, and cigarettes will do it.
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