Life Sucks....

Its official.  My. Life. Sucks.  So the guy I wrote about in my last post contacted me....well he's in a complicated situation, but we're talking again.  Doesn't mean anything really until he can get it fixed, but I'm glad he did, I was really hurt when I thought it was because of me.

My ex though.  Hes all depressed because we arent together.  But I cant go back.  I miss him yea, I'll always care about him yea, but I've moved on.  I dont want him hurt though. I  dont know what to do at all. 

Men....suck

Seriously, can someone tell me what it is with guys?!  First I have my ex making me wish I could get back together with him sometimes, but thats so not where I need to be going.  I had this guy I was really into, and now hes just not even talking to me.  No reason whatsoever.  We had such a great conversation that night before he started guard duty, and now hes online, but i've been blocked...like what the fuck?!  dont tell me you'll dream of me, or that im worth waiting for (cause we were gonna have to wait to actually hang out some cause of him going on duty) and just a whole lot of other stuff....then just totally cut me off...for no reason at all. 

Hurricane Irene is gonna hit too...so we have mandatory evacuations, leaving Friday or Saturday.  Coming home sometime Sunday or Monday depending on how long it stays in the area, its supposedly moving a lot slower then it should be because of some pressure system.  This is just crazy.

Well I guess its ok, anytime I'm upset about some guy I just don't eat...my friend called it the break up diet haha except i wasnt with him, but stupidly got my hopes up.  I feel like I'm never going to find someone who actually cares about me. 

I do what i want when i feel like it

Oh how O wish that was true.  If it was I would be in another state right now, seeing a real great guy.  Going in line with the song of my title.  It has been a while since everything has gone right or i've had any reason at all to smile.  But he makes me smile.  I can't say he makes everything right.  He doesn't even know about me.  About this.  But how do you tell someone about this?  About how I really feel, about what I do? 

It's been a while since I posted so I guess I should update you all.  Some posts back, around December I wrote about my ex who had been harassing me...well he's been texting me recently.  Says everything wasn't said by him and he would never have done that, that he loved me (doubt it) and well anyway he wants to hang out.  I said ok and we had one thing set up, but it didn't pan out, now it's just a bunch of misses.  I'm not even sure if i should see him, but I'm going to.  I won't let anything happen, and I won't ever get back together with him, but if it wasn't him...I don't know.  He said he wants me in his life, and I guess I can do that, in a small way.  No on knows except one friend of mine.  My dad would be so mad, and I can't blame him.  But I'm not a child anymore.  I can make my own choices, I just don't know how to talk to him about that.

Anyways, I gained.  I feel like such a failure.  I don't even want to go to the doctor tomorrow and step on that scale.  Although maybe this will get her off my case a little bit about it.  I'm having such a hard time staying on track though and I don't know why.  I'm just in a spiral and I can't get out.  I feel so lost in myself...