Well I've reached my first goal. I'm offically 110 lbs. It's been easy cause mostly I just haven't been able to eat more then 1 meal a day. I eat lunch and then very small portions at dinner. Like eating just makes me feel so nauseous. I don't even feel hungry half the time.
The jerk that I wrote about in crushed has pretty much been harassing me and some friends, so I told my cousin and last night the idiot is stupid enough to message me again! I told him to stop and he still kept up with his insults (even called me fat), and I was like well I gave you a warning and you didn't listen, I hope you enjoy the consequecenses. He was like ok I'll stop and never talk to you again. So hopefully that's over with. I can't believe I ever really liked him he's such an ass.
We have a blizzard warning until tomorrow at 1pm. This sucks cause I need to go to the doctor and get my birth control pills, I'm kinda worried cause she always weighs me and I lost 10 lbs. I don't know what she's going to say. Hell I don't even know if I'm going to make it there on time with all this snow. I have to call them tomorrow and make an appointment. With all this snow all I've done today is have a bowl of oatmeal and stay in bed watching tv, and took a nice long much needed nap. Not a bad day I guess.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Crushed
How could I be so FUCKING naive?? Like why would he EVER want me back? Who the fuck am I to be so special?!? I hate that he has me exactly where he wants me. That all he has to do is act like a boyfriend, sit on the bed and grab my hips and hug me, put his arms around me and hold me when I'm cold...give me his sweatshirt or wrap a blanket around us. Hold my hand...he never held my hand, I thought it might have actually meant something. Yea right, I'm so fucking stupid it's not even funny. Tell me he's gonna miss me when he goes away for 2 weeks.
Now I'm sitting on my bed, crying as I write this. My friend, a mutual friend, told me how he asked this other girl to hang out. She was sort of seeing the guy who told me. Yea she said no then told him today. So then my ex went after this girl that my friend had hooked up with and she said no. That was just last week. Apparently he's been trying and just having no luck with girls. So then he texts me, "I miss you" "I need you" "Come over". I hate how I always do it. I always end up sleeping with him. Think buy some miracle he'll ask me to be with him. All I am is an easy fuck, but I can't help being in love with him.
This hurts so bad, now that I know he's been asking all these girls out and he's away for 2 weeks cause some guy "discovered" him and wants him to model...yea model, all those beautiful stick thin girls...I just wish I could get over him, some days I think I am, then I hear stuff like this.
Now I'm sitting on my bed, crying as I write this. My friend, a mutual friend, told me how he asked this other girl to hang out. She was sort of seeing the guy who told me. Yea she said no then told him today. So then my ex went after this girl that my friend had hooked up with and she said no. That was just last week. Apparently he's been trying and just having no luck with girls. So then he texts me, "I miss you" "I need you" "Come over". I hate how I always do it. I always end up sleeping with him. Think buy some miracle he'll ask me to be with him. All I am is an easy fuck, but I can't help being in love with him.
This hurts so bad, now that I know he's been asking all these girls out and he's away for 2 weeks cause some guy "discovered" him and wants him to model...yea model, all those beautiful stick thin girls...I just wish I could get over him, some days I think I am, then I hear stuff like this.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Must Sleep
I think I've gotten like maybe 20 hours of sleep this week. I am seriously up 4,5, even 6 times a night and just can't sleep. Today! I've been up since 4 and in so incredibly tired but just can't fall asleep. My head hurts, im so frustrated i want to cry. I've always had sleep troubles but this is by far the worst it's been and I jist don't know why.
Those guiradelli chocoalates, yea ate WAY too many, but lunch was good, still doesn't make up for it, although I was walking a lot at school, regardless I'm still mad about my seeming lack of control when it's usually so good.
So sprained my ankle around 2 summers ago, didn't take care of it properly. Meaning I refused to wear my ugly walking boot. Well now it hurts in the cold. It hurts in the rain. It's weak and gives out easy, but I'm building strength. In other words it's always gonna give my problems. So, is it too much to ask for that I DONT twist my knee? Especially on the SAME LEG?!? Ugh it's like just not fair. But then again what ever is.
Had my schools open house tonight. It was fun, I took my sister and my nephew, the little ladies man, everyone loved him haha, but really hes just too cute for words.
Those guiradelli chocoalates, yea ate WAY too many, but lunch was good, still doesn't make up for it, although I was walking a lot at school, regardless I'm still mad about my seeming lack of control when it's usually so good.
So sprained my ankle around 2 summers ago, didn't take care of it properly. Meaning I refused to wear my ugly walking boot. Well now it hurts in the cold. It hurts in the rain. It's weak and gives out easy, but I'm building strength. In other words it's always gonna give my problems. So, is it too much to ask for that I DONT twist my knee? Especially on the SAME LEG?!? Ugh it's like just not fair. But then again what ever is.
Had my schools open house tonight. It was fun, I took my sister and my nephew, the little ladies man, everyone loved him haha, but really hes just too cute for words.
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