Crushed

How could I be so FUCKING naive?? Like why would he EVER want me back? Who the fuck am I to be so special?!? I hate that he has me exactly where he wants me. That all he has to do is act like a boyfriend, sit on the bed and grab my hips and hug me, put his arms around me and hold me when I'm cold...give me his sweatshirt or wrap a blanket around us. Hold my hand...he never held my hand, I thought it might have actually meant something. Yea right, I'm so fucking stupid it's not even funny. Tell me he's gonna miss me when he goes away for 2 weeks.

Now I'm sitting on my bed, crying as I write this. My friend, a mutual friend, told me how he asked this other girl to hang out. She was sort of seeing the guy who told me. Yea she said no then told him today. So then my ex went after this girl that my friend had hooked up with and she said no. That was just last week. Apparently he's been trying and just having no luck with girls. So then he texts me, "I miss you" "I need you" "Come over". I hate how I always do it. I always end up sleeping with him. Think buy some miracle he'll ask me to be with him. All I am is an easy fuck, but I can't help being in love with him.

This hurts so bad, now that I know he's been asking all these girls out and he's away for 2 weeks cause some guy "discovered" him and wants him to model...yea model, all those beautiful stick thin girls...I just wish I could get over him, some days I think I am, then I hear stuff like this.