Warning. This is a mindless rant.
I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate that I can't do anything right at all regardless of whether its family, friends, work, a relationship, anything. I fuck everything up every single fucking time. I'm a at fucking worthless pig and I don't deserve to even be sitting on this floor writing this post that I doubt anyone is going to read cause I'm just that unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I should just end it all. Everyone would be so much happier that way. One less idiot to worry about.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Trouble trouble trouble
Its been a while. A long while. I havent forgotten about you ladies. I've just been in a world of chaos. Trying to get better and now down to 106 lbs...I eat maybe once a day if im lucky and when I do I cant finish a meal. I don't even know how it all started, I was doing pretty good. Well...I know stress and anxiety is what started it all...then I just fell back into things.
I guess I should update you all a bit. Im somewhat engaged. Things have hit a rough spot and we're working on them, but any plans we may have had I've put on hold. Its weird, he's hurt me emotionally, but he needs me as much as I need him...its not his fault so I stay. He always makes up for it, I just hope now that things are hopefully fixed, they stay that way. Got fired from my dental job with the asshole I was working for, best thing that happened to me except losing the income. The other day I got a call from an office looking to set up an interview however. She was supposed to call me back then never did...Im sick so I actually slept a lot longer then I intended to today and never got to call her back, so tomorrow thats a must. I miss having a full time job and a decent pay check. I cant really complain...my old boss took me back and I get like 16 hours a week, do some morning babysitting for her son...but getting paid at the end of the month doesnt pay bills or for gas. And the 16 hours a week went out the window with Hurricane Sandy...I'm just glad the store is finally coming together again and we'll all be back to work.
Anyone remember L...the guy who broke my heart...well he came back, then disappered, then I found out about all the lies he was telling me and I dont feel so broken hearted over it all anymore. I wish I could just find happiness...maybe its not in the books for me, maybe me and my guy will get over all our issues and we'll both be happy....I know he's the one I want to be with...I hope things are ok now.
Well hopefully the trouble trouble trouble title was enough to say that this wouldnt be an entirely happy post lol.....hope your all doing great and I'll try to not disapper again. xoxo
I guess I should update you all a bit. Im somewhat engaged. Things have hit a rough spot and we're working on them, but any plans we may have had I've put on hold. Its weird, he's hurt me emotionally, but he needs me as much as I need him...its not his fault so I stay. He always makes up for it, I just hope now that things are hopefully fixed, they stay that way. Got fired from my dental job with the asshole I was working for, best thing that happened to me except losing the income. The other day I got a call from an office looking to set up an interview however. She was supposed to call me back then never did...Im sick so I actually slept a lot longer then I intended to today and never got to call her back, so tomorrow thats a must. I miss having a full time job and a decent pay check. I cant really complain...my old boss took me back and I get like 16 hours a week, do some morning babysitting for her son...but getting paid at the end of the month doesnt pay bills or for gas. And the 16 hours a week went out the window with Hurricane Sandy...I'm just glad the store is finally coming together again and we'll all be back to work.
Anyone remember L...the guy who broke my heart...well he came back, then disappered, then I found out about all the lies he was telling me and I dont feel so broken hearted over it all anymore. I wish I could just find happiness...maybe its not in the books for me, maybe me and my guy will get over all our issues and we'll both be happy....I know he's the one I want to be with...I hope things are ok now.
Well hopefully the trouble trouble trouble title was enough to say that this wouldnt be an entirely happy post lol.....hope your all doing great and I'll try to not disapper again. xoxo
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