Warning. This is a mindless rant.
I hate my life, I hate who I am, I hate that I can't do anything right at all regardless of whether its family, friends, work, a relationship, anything. I fuck everything up every single fucking time. I'm a at fucking worthless pig and I don't deserve to even be sitting on this floor writing this post that I doubt anyone is going to read cause I'm just that unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I should just end it all. Everyone would be so much happier that way. One less idiot to worry about.
I wouldn't be happier. You're not a screw up sweetie. I'm giving you a hug right now (( )) Please try and keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Please dont talk like this. I know it is easier said than done but I would miss you and I know lots of others that would to. You dont mess everything up you just try and make everyone happy and you cant do that. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling whether it be good bad or ugly we are here for you. <3
ReplyDeleteYour life has worth. You are important to more people than you can ever know.
ReplyDeleteWhen the world(and myself)feels ugly to me, often I turn to Mary Oliver's poetry. She has a way of making me recognize the beauty that surrounds me, and I find it harder to feel hatred.
This is called Morning Poem by Mary Oliver.
"Every morning
the world
is created.
Under the orange
sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again
and fasten themselves to the high branches ---
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands
of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails
for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere.
And if your spirit
carries within it
the thorn
that is heavier than lead ---
if it's all you can do
to keep on trudging ---
there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted ---
each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
lavishly,
every morning,
whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray."
Sorry this is so long. I just want to stress that you are worthy of love, and there is beauty in the world unfurling itself for you.
xx.