nothing new about me

The only thing Im stressed about right now is the boyfriend.  He was supposed to call me yesterday after his drive to his base was over.  Sunday at 6pm my time he said he had about 500 miles left but he was on icy mountain roads so that he would text me after he got there and got some sleep.  Well its now 8 pm on Tuesday.  WTF?!  Im so scared that hes not ok.  I've sent a bunch of texts and one email.   Ugh I just hope I hear something soon.  Im going crazy.

UPDATE:
Im beginning to realize there is a very big possibility that he just broke his phone.  SO im gonna stick with that and trust that his driving skills are good and that well he just doesnt have internet yet.  Wont stop me from checking my email every chance I get, but im gonna be able to sleep with that thought in mind :)

And from my last post and the comments I got.  Im not gonna purge.  I told my boyfriend and he asked me not to.  I liked that it wasnt a command and told me that he actually grew up with someone who died from bulimia.  So i promised him I wouldnt.  I know it wont help in any way that I want it to anyways, it just seems like its nice to have a release.  I think I have one though!  The other assistant asked me to go to this class with her every Tuesday.  Apparantly its pretty intense cause she was pretty sore today.  Im looking forward to it :)  especially since I really wanted to get back in shape for taking classes next year seeing as I want to do athletic training and all...So thank you all!  It means the world to me that you all care so much :)

Back on Track

Ok.  So these past 2 weeks my grandma's been visiting, and I've had to eat.  Last night my dad actually asked me why I dont eat.  Yea last night was Thanksgiving.  And I ate.  Like a pig.  I wanted to purge, so bad, I even told my boyfriend and he was like please don't do that.  So I didn't.  I've never purged though, I'm kinda scared to.  Ugh I can't believe myself.  I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow, I'm so scared if I'm anything above 115 pounds I might cry.  Like really.  I have to lose this weight.  I have to get to 105 pounds.  Then 100 pounds.  And then I'll be happy.  I swear I'll be happy, I have to be.  But I'm never gonna get there if I don't get my control back.  I can't believe I've been eating like that!  No more!  I'm not giving in.  I can't give in.  I will get back on track and I will lose this weight.  I will reach my goals.   

Update

Thank you everyone for your words and thoughts and prayers for my dad.  He's out of the hospital, still needs more tests to be done, but the cardiologist said he didn't have to stay.  She's changing his medication however so we'll see what happens with whatever he's put on.  The Dr.  said his one ventricle (I cant remember the side) is bigger then the other and that he has high blood pressure in his lungs.  But I don't know what any of that means and I guess she didn't really explain it cause he didn't either.  She told him that he's not in danger of a stroke or heart attack now that so I'm very relieved.  He has to go back to his Dr. now and see a blood pressure specialist, so hopefully they can get it under control
I'll keep you all posted on how he's doing as I find out more, but he is home now :)

Im Scared

My daddys in the hospital again.  He was there Friday, me and my sister went with him to the doctors because he was only supposed to get his blood pressure checked and we were going to get a new oven for Thanksgiving.  Well it turned out his BP was super high so he got sent to the hospital in an ambulence and I drove his truck there with my sister.  I think we stayed for 4 hours.  They wanted him to stay but he said no.  So he just went back today and he's staying.  They wanted to do this series of tests that would see if there was damange to his heart and I guess they'll be doing that along with trying to figure out why it's so high despite being on his medication.  They said it was so high that he could have a stroke or a heart attack.  So I'm glad he's staying this time, but I'm really scared somethings gonna happen.  I can't even be home this week because I'm watching a friends house.  I just got off the phone with him and he said he was fine, but he would say that even if he wasn't.  So for now I just have to know he's in the hospital getting the treatment he needs to hopefully get it under control.  I'm still all worried and upset though.

Changes

So its been about a week since I last posted, and well...we're back together.  He says he never did anything with the email and never even got any of the ones I sent (which is good cause those were kind of angry) and only knew I was upset because his friend showed him the text I sent.  He had been in the field the past 20 some days.  It also means his leave got all messed up so he most likely wont be able to come up.  Cant leave till the 15th instead of the 7th which is when he was supposed to be able to sign out.

I havent wieghed myself tho.  I've been so bad, another reason I havent posted, so ashamed of my lack of self control!  But I have a mini fast planned and Im gonna fucking stick to it.  I don't even want to weigh myself to get a pre fast weight, I'm just too scared.  But I have to, so I'm going to tomorrow morning when I'm getting ready for work.

Just watching the CMA's now and talking to him <3  Got a long day ahead of me tomorrow at work, but then its a 3 day weekend and my birthday on Friday.  One more week of work then hes gone on vacation and I'll be working 10-2 doing absolutely nothing except probably cleaning.  He better not say anything about painting those baseboards again...

Take care lovlies!

Damn boys...

I've gained 3 lbs. Like I have half a mind to call his friend and get a hold of him to just bitch about that. Screw the fact that he broke my heart but to make me gain weight too?! So I had a salad for lunch today, and diet soda. Did cave and have one of the fun size kit kat bars the Dr. brought in. But no more. For dinner idk, my best friend doesn't work till Saturday so we've been hanging out and she likes to go out and eat. So maybe more salad, or some soup.

I wish I had more to talk about but I've just been trying to work so I don't think about him. Night is the worst, I just lay in bed and miss him. Wish he was still mine, but know that's never gonna happen. My friend sent me a pic of this quote it says "one day you're going to wake up and realize how much you care about me, and when that day comes I'll be waking up with the guy that already knew." So I know I'll get over this, but I wish it would happen soon.