Sick

Ugh since ive been in school, a program at my old high school, Ive been so sick. This is the second time I've had what I think is a sinus infection. My head feels like it's gonna explode everytime I sit up. At least tomorrow I get to go buy something for it. I have no money this week cause I had to pay off school, but I'm so glad I'm finally done!

I weighed myself for the first time cause i've been so scared, I'm still around 113. I wish I had a digital scale :(. But I'm under 115 so I'm happy. All this running around on clinicals is helping me maintain. But I'm trying to get back to a better eating schedule, eating only what I have to, but trying not to skip out too much cause then I just end up binging. Then it's a while downward spiral of depression and too much self hatred.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really be happy with myself and my life. Right now it seems like such an unobtainable goal. I seriously envy those who can look in a mirror and actually like what they see, and go out and not worry what everyone is thinking when they see them.