Apathy

I just dont care anymore.  About anything.  Its the only way to get through this, through my life.  Wanting hurts.  I want to be thin, I want to be wanted and loved.  I want to be beautiful...not sexy or hot.  Yea sure those are nice when the time is right.  But I want to be called beautiful, its an entirely different connation.  But I guess I'm not.  I guess I'm only good for one thing.  So I just don't care anymore.  I'll go through the steps of my life, but I'm done giving a shit.  I'm done trying to get better, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want.  And if that means I'm not going to eat then they can fucking deal with it.  It's my life, and they never took any interest in it before even when I was being obvious about it praying someone would say something.  It took me saying it only to stop a fight and I wasnt even a part of.  And even now no one really cares.  So why the hell should I?   Theres only one thing...person I cant stop caring about, but hes the one I need to forget the most.  He's obviously forgotten me.