Sorry I havent posted.  I met a brand new guy, we went out all day yesterday, hes great, except hes not looking for a relationship.  I mean, Im not either...but I can see myself wanting one with him.  Hes like whatever happens happens you know?  Im like yea totally. But inside Im like not again.  Can I do this again?  I dont care if I cant, Im going to.  It might totally break me, but honestly, no one can hurt me more then I hurt myself.  I had a yogurt and nonfat vanilla latte today, then ruined it when I had cheese fries with my friend and half a bacon cheeseburger at Johnny Rockets.  Well Im not eating anything else tonight.  Im not even hungry, Im disgusted with myself and feel huge.  I just want to be skinny, and perfect.  And have no worries in the world.  Its never going to happen.   I dont deserve to be happy and I dont deserve him.