In regards to my last post about my dad, I do just want to say I've always been extremely efficant at hiding my feelings. People call me an ice queen because they can't read me, and I rarely let tha wall crack in front of people. And when i do most don't notice, my dad does. It's hard to try and help someone when they don't listen. Writing that post I was just mad. It's true back then he didn't notice, but I didn't start not eating until high school. I went to a catholic grade school and I tried to keep my lunch money and not buy anything but they made me a peanut butter sandwich and called home. High school no one cares if you don't eat. I guess I'm saying all this because I was fighting with him last night about my ex and how I didn't tell him how he was harassing me and I said a lot of stuff I wish i could take back. I honestly wish I had never met him. But really what do I tell my dad? I've been hiding stuff from you for years? That I'm upset not because of this but because I ate too much, that i cant hold myself together not because of him but because of myself? I don't even know who I am anymore. My whole life has been spent comparing myself to those fucking popular girls who always got the guy, who put down girls like me. So I built up my ice queen persona. And I made it my mission to look better, skinnier. I have more control then they ever will.
But who am I?
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