No one said letting go was gonna be easy

So you all know about my guy troubles.  I feel like half this blog is devoted to that, but it does in turn affect my mood which in turn affects my eating disorder, so it comes full circle.  I finally weighed myself last night 121 lbs! Like WTF  I was 110 lbs last time *cries*  Starting tomorrow I'm going on a "diet" which is what I told my mom.  I bought fruit and yogurt and orange juice for smoothies.  And well I'll just eat fruit at lunch.  Apple slices and grapes.  With water.  I can't believe I let myself gain that much weight.

Anyways!  The whole point of mentioning guys and the title of my post.  Still haven't heard from him.  My emails are still going through which means he should be getting them, hasn't blocked me (which has happened).  But well I don't know about right now but last time his phone was still ringing and was going to voicemail but he hasn't answered any calls, texts, or emails.  I've been preparing myself to just let go and move on but it's just not easy at all. I love him so much, even despite all of this.  I hate this.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I honestly don't know how I'm keeping myself together when I'm just falling apart inside a little more everyday.